So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have been thinking a lot about a story that I would love to write...a novel in fact. Who hasn't heard that one before? I want to be a novelist. There are so many want to be and have nots that it just is insane. And I fit exactly, squarely, into the wanna be and have nots. I have had all the false starts and grand ideas. I was going to write the greatest novel that had ever been conceived. But I haven't written much at all. Just a couple of short stories that I never submitted anywhere other than to some online sites that were, for better or worse, at least someone to listen.
I had gotten quality feedback, lame feedback, and feedback that said that I should not ever write again. I started a financial blog that I wrote on for seven months before I came to the realization that I wasn't writing anything new. I was just reorganizing others ideas and putting them together in my own rationale. When I really thought about it. I wasn't doing anything "creative" which is what I have wanted to do my entire life.
So I come back to trying to be a writer. A creative writer. A fictional writer. A storyteller. A novelist. And I thought to myself that I wrote EVERYDAY as a financial blogger. I had people want to have space on my blog. I had people pay me (ever such small sums) for my words. They sought me out. Why can't I use the same blogging medium to really concentrate on making that next step? That next step might just be right here.
But at last I come to the reasons, why haven't I been able to accomplish what I have always longed to be? I think it comes down to two aspects...1) self-doubt and 2) no one really pushes me. The first reason, I think is fairly clear to see. It is clear to the reason why I stopped blogging on my other site. I just didn't believe that what I was saying was important. That they (my audience) could get the same information from someone who was more important, smarter, and more well spoken/written than myself. The second reason really is an extension of the first. As much as I love my wife and family. No one really cares what on earth I actually do. None of them really push me to become something bigger than what I am. I have to try to push myself. And then see reason number one why I haven't accomplished what I wanted to accomplish.
I am going to use this blog as a launching point and note pad. I am going to try to write at least something here. A scene, a plot, a character sketch, anything. This is going to be my own space that I can use to build something, mostly myself. I want to try to build myself. Whoever may want to come along, you're welcome to join. You're welcome to cheer, jeer, be critical, or whatever you may feel like doing.
